Featured Sarah Cloots from Greenwillow, a schmancy country club with lots of big windows (there was even hand lotion in the bathroom), and gigantic delicious salads. Everyone and everything was super fun and fabulous as usual. The directions, however, were not super fab. As a matter of fact, they lead us out into the middle of nowhere. And sadly the staff at the lovely country club was not all that keen on getting numerous telephone calls from lost writers.
Phone conversation number 1:
Me: So we’re on 16 going west, are we close?
Them (female): I don’t know. What are you near?
Me: A bunch of fields, some trees, and um, oh hey, there’s a sign for Lake LaBelle! That’s it — we’re in Lake LaBelle.
Them: No, you’re not.
Me: Yes, we are. We just passed a sign.
Them: There are lots of signs for Lake LaBelle.
Me: Okay, so that’s where we are. In Lake LaBelle.
Them: You are not in Lake LaBelle. If you were in Lake LaBelle you’d be drowning.
Me: What should we be looking for?
Them: Are you near any landmarks like the Pic N’ Save?
Me: We’re in a field — we haven’t seen any buildings for a long time now. Should we be near a Pic N’ Save?
Me: What is the country club near?
Them: It’s not out in a field. Isn’t there anything nearby?
Me: There isn’t. We’re turning around now. Why don’t we call you when we see something?
Phone Conversation Number 2.
Me: So we’re on 16 going east, we’re starting to see some signs of civilization and we need directions.
Them (male version): You should be on 16 going west.
Me: We were on 16 going west and we ended up in the middle of nowhere so we turned around and now we’re going east.
Them: You need to go to the top of the hill and turn right at the light.
Me: We’ve driven the length of 16 and we haven’t encountered a hill with a light. Where should we be looking for the hill?
Them: It’s near the exit you need to take… Hey! Are you listening to me?
Me: Yes, I’m listening to you. Where is the hill? Is it on 16?
Them: It’s this hill with a stoplight. Once you get to the hill… Look, you need to pay attention to me. Are you talking to Her or are you talking to Me?
Me: There is no Her talking to me. I’m in a huge van full of people and they are all talking amongst themselves. You have my full and undivided attention. These people mean nothing to me.* I am completely devoted to you. Just please tell me how to get from 16 to your country club please!!!!!!!!!
Them: Uh huh. As I was saying you get to the top of this hill…
Me: Where is the hill??????????????????
Them: It’s got a light and you exit off of 16 there….
We never got anywhere. My full and undivided attention came to naught. Finally, we went to a BP and the nice gas station attendant gave us directions. And he didn’t even make any snooty remarks about us drowning or not paying attention to him. Ha! Take that mean country club staffers. I feel for the situation they were in — I wouldn’t want a bunch of lost nutty writers (it turned out we weren’t the only ones) calling me all morning long, but still. They could have been nice. I work at a library all day. We’re nice to everyone NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES WE GET ASKED THE SAME QUESTION!
Otherwise, everything was great and it truly was the best food I’ve had at one of these things yet. Greenwillow sounds like an awesome imprint and Sarah seems like she’d be fun to work with. Also, besides her other numerous merits, she has great hair.
*Added later: This statement is blatantly untrue.